I recently read on the BBC’s website that archaeologists in early August discovered a huge cache of Mayan artifacts in a Guatemalan pyramid. Hearing this news made me wonder just what our remote ancestors, when musing over the fragments of our own civilization, might think of us and our own culture. It would be useful to provide them with some sort of word-list, or glossary, so that the dominant dialect of modern America does not become as forgotten as the bewildering catalogue of Mayan heiroglyphs. This is the dialect of Americhick.
It is the speech of the American woman, in all of its bewildering, elusive, reversible-raincoat-rhetoric glory. The importance of recording the outlines of Americhick for posterity is clear when we consider the especially shifty nature of this patois. For while most languages are meant to convey information, Americhick is meant to distort it.
Below are listed some of the most frequently used terms of Americhick. The meaning of each term is then given, as it is actually interpreted by the average, early 21st century American woman. The cookie-cutter uniformity of the Americhick personality means that this glossary will be useful in any region of the United States (the territories of Guam and Puerto Rico are excepted). Feel free to laminate a printout of this list, for handy future desk reference, if the need to decode one of these terms should ever arise.
Answer. A response to a query she wished she had been asked, rather than the one she actually had been asked.
Effort. Something not needed for any relationship. See also: (1) grooming.
Sex. Something Americhicks think they’re good at, but are not.
Drama. The sum total of her life.
Attitude. A condition created when the real world does not match her fantasy.
Grooming. A concealment of incipient obesity or ugliness.
Nepotism. Getting a job on merit.
“Working the issues”. A phrase interchangeable with “looking busy”, used often for boasting about the same.
Self-important. An employed woman. See also: arrogant.
Logic. A mountain of jibberish concealing a pebble of fact.
Argument. Being wrong or off-point in a loud, snarky voice.
Poverty. Single-mother reality concealed by turbo-charged delusion.
Cruelty. Any attempt to impose standards, discipline, or manners on an Americhick.
Strength. A constant disposition to offend or insult.
Child. A living reminder of the Americhick carousel years.
Looking busy. Advanced attention-seeking behavior. Although it is harder to look busy than to be busy, looking busy gets an Americhick more attention, so is therefore more useful.
Validation. Electronic feel-good feedback from Facebook likes, Twitter re-tweets, friend requests, and beta male simping behavior. If validation drops below a certain level, extreme emotional distress is normally triggered.
Man. Any or all of the following: (1) A transmitter of electronic validation, (2) a bill payer, (3) an ATM machine, or (3) a host to an Americhick parasite.
Tantrum. Persuasion.
Sex. The act of coitus. But what does not “count” as sex are any of the following: (1) sex on vacation, (2) revenge sex outside a relationship when she is angry with boyfriend/husband, or (3) sex with anyone less than once per month.
Alone. The unfortunate condition of having less than 10 beta orbiters.
Apology. Always to be received, never given. See also: respect.
Back. That part of the male anatomy in which is it most expedient to insert a knife.
Behavior. Physical actions guided by narcissism and selfishness.
Misogynist. A person holding an opinion about women or relationships that an Amerchick doesn’t like. Interchangeable with: racist, sexist, elitist.
Hair. Cut it off.
Celebrity. A spiritual guide, oracle, and ideal exemplar.
Phone call. Let it go into voicemail. Picking it up would involve effort and courtesy.
Hateful. Any subject matter or topic which an Americhik doesn’t really understand or makes her feel uncomfortable.
Cheap. A man who refuses to play host to her parasite.
Photo. An electronic image emitted to enhance her self-esteem. There is a proportional correlation between the quantity of emissions and the inflation of her ego. Represented mathematically by E = kP, where E stands for ego expansion measured in neurological feel-good feedback, P represents the volume of photos published on social media, and k is a constant.
Therapy. Session paid for by a man where she can blame her pre-scripted litany of misdeeds on the faults of others.
Abuse. A true or helpful suggestion made by a man to an Americhick more than once.
Promise. The expression of an unlikely possibility.
Flirt. Delivering snark.
Fairness. Unrestricted female privilege.
Equality. Unencumbered female privilege.
Feelings. Things she has but a man does not have.
Respect. Always to be received, never given. See also: apology.
Dialogue. A condescending, rude female monologue.
Discussion. A belligerent female monologue.
Debate. Hysterical female monologue.
Healthy weight. Overweight.
My career. My paper shuffling. See also: Looking busy.
Strong woman. Rude, disrespectful woman.
Divorce. The end of her starter marriage and the beginning of her second career, launched by the transfer of wealth from ex-husband to her.
Court. A dispenser of wealth to a woman.
Government. 1. An ATM machine. 2. Surrogate husband. See also: Court.
Patriarchy. A female excuse for failure in any endeavor.
Wife. A dependent of a husband masquerading as an equal partner.
Truth. A lie not yet discovered.
Kitchen. A room with a sink, table, and microwave, rarely visited.
Conversation. Complaining about imaginary health and beauty problems, hating on her girlfriends behind their backs, and discoursing on petty jealousies of all kinds.
Tattoo. Visible proof of conformity.
Morals. Situational and ever-changing.
So keep this list handy for quick and easy reference. I hope it helps you navigate the whirlpools and eddies of the frothy bounty that is Americhick language. Feel free to add to it based on the principle stated at the beginning of this post: to an Americhick, language is not meant to convey information, but to distort it.
Read More: Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume I
Nice list. My favorites with follow-up commentary:
Sex. (Something Americhicks think they’re good at, but are not.) Anglobitches are usually terrible in bed, and trust me, I know, I’ve had all the major races.
Man. Americhicks are basically parasites. It’s amazing how well they fit the textbook definition of a parasite: 1. An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on or in a different organism while contributing nothing to the survival of its host. 2. A person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.
Sex. It really is amazing what “doesn’t count” to most of these pale tail princesses.
I’d also add:
Corporation: Surrogate husband. Controls her life. The only entity that holds her even somewhat accountable for her actions.
Man: What the modern feminist aspires to become. (Just as Commander Data chased his dream of becoming human, modern-day feminists chase their dream of someday having a penis.)
Apology, and Respect was missing their bastard feminist cousin called “forgiveness.”
Also, it is only received, never given.
Also, “Permission.” What a woman gives once in a while to a male she has completely and totally castrated mentally, emotionally, and perhaps physically. Also, she is completely unaware, less then him though, that he never needed her damn permission for anything in the first place. Also, it is only given, never taken.
Shorter : Permission : never reveived, always given.
Ill add,
Honesty: Rude and disrespectful.
Empowerment/Empowered: Any behavior from a woman that is aggressive, hostile or antagonistic that she believes she can get away with soley based on the fact that she is an oppressed female and backed up by either white-knight males, the law or both.
By the way, women constantly seek empowerment…men are simply powerful. 😉
Insecure: what a man is when he refuses to listen to how feminists say a man should behave.
A bit boring article, I liked http://www.returnofkings.com/15495/dictionary-of-american-girlspeak-volume-ii better
A pharaoh is a tough act to follow. But I did my best.
Just do more of this next time:
Independence: living off government and ex-husbands.
Unique: Sex and the city clone.
Wisdom: The capacity for rote memorization and recitation of platitudes.
Book: Any collection of hackneyed stories, cliches, or pictures, which functions as a buffer to self-awareness.
Self-esteem: The ability to criticize others, but not oneself.
These I really like. We need to add them to the database…
It’s a little late, but why is there no alphabetization?
Intelligent woman: sarcastic, nagging bitch
Bitch:Any girl that looks better and is nicer than herself.
“Real Man”: Any man that will castrate himself for her benefit.
Daddy:ATM Machine
And the verb form of Real Man is “manning up.”
Great job! Especially liked Celebrity and Alone
That was awesome 🙂
Such incisive dissemination. It almost brings a tear to my eye.
BRILLIANT!!!
You forgot the word “faggot”.
Faggot/Homosexual: A heterosexual man that the Americhik egotistically can’t accept as not finding her sexually or otherwise attractive.
Asshole: A man you think was/is a jerk to her but unbeknownst to betas/herbs/white knights is a man that gave her the tingles.
There’s a whole language of codewords that girls use to communicate with each other that all of them understand completely but blue pill guys don’t. It basically boils down to three types:
Asshole/jerk: Alpha that I’m having sex with
‘Such a nice guy/good guy’: Beta that I’m using as an emotional tampon
Creep: Unattractive male
You missed one:
Perv: A guy who shows overt sexual interest in me that I have no sexual interest in.
Which, when taken to its logical conclusion is really rather ironically funny:
“My apologies, obviously any man sexually interested in you must be a pervert of the highest order.”
Children in adult bodies…women.
Bullshit like this isn’t going to get anyone laid ( or ultimately happy ), anytime soon. I’m all for self improvement, “game”, and general red pill knowledge… but this site for the most part ( esp the dude who wrote this particularly worthless post ) is diving into ultimate butt-hurt territory. A bunch of the authors here along with their butthurt followers need to man up and realize they are being pathetic. American girls are just parisites? They are horrible in bed? They only care about money????? Oh really????? Hmmmm…. I guess I must have been fucking the shit out of white immigrants this whole time…. I used to be a huge hater at one point in my life. But I got over it, improved myself, and basically just manned up. High value women don’t bang low value guys. And if your going to another country where the guys are even bigger losers than where you’re originally from… your still a loser even if your getting laid. I’d say the majority of girls in America treat alphas extremely well. Once you got beta and get crapped on it’s your own fault. That’s some real red pill knowledge.
Dudes like Steve Jabba are spot on by calling it “the little boy sphere”. Anyone who’s getting laid on a regular basis by women he finds attractive would never write drivel like this. At this hate is just male hamster spinning and rationalizing why “poor old me” isn’t getting laid.
I believe this was meant to be satire.
Just don’t take as advice an article meant for entertainment.
There is a lot of truth to what you’re saying. Right, the higher your value, the better you’re likely to be treated and the better women on your way…
However. Consider some of the wealthiest, successful and intelligent guys in our Western little hell. They are often treated the very same way by women! Sure, there is some love, romance and decent bangs initially…. But then it all goes down, man.
Take Lenny kravitz example. Very, very wise guy, gone through various struggle in life. Now he mentions a celibacy , cannot date anybody longer than few months.
Take Micheal Adam, the founder of Fashion TV. Rich as f..ck. His romantic life is a revolving door. The moment you realize all these chicks are just whores, you lose interest.
You’re correct: the more you pay, the better lifestyle you provide, the better they treat you.
But it doesn’t mean hotter woman are any better in terms of character, intellect or morals. Just mask themselves better….
I…agree with the ‘still a lose if you’re getting laid part’……
Strong words with truth, but myopic for the following reasons: (1) Being alpha from a woman’s perspective is not being alpha from a civilized man’s perspective, and civilized men win and treat themselves well because they can. Enjoying the decline is temporary, and the days of the nightclub alpha are numbered. The dependency on the female imperative as frame is tacit. (2) Being alpha from a woman’s perspective is temporary, all Horatio Alger alpha stories such as yours not withstanding. Bros before hoes. Then the women have no choice but to treat you well, and with 99% less destruction.
Summary: Yet another Argumentum Ad AMOG, http://www.thumotic.com/2013/05/09/argumentum-ad-amog/, but with a point. Adapt or suffer the consequences. Most of us will loose this game of musical chairs by definition, but it is the game for now.
Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary” — 21st Century manosphere edition.
That was the first thought that came to my mind too. They called him ‘bitter’ back in the day too.
Highly educated = Associate’s degree in communications from Kennesaw Community College
So what would “poorly educated” be?
Never read an issue of People.
And “illiterate”?
Can’t read the pregnancy test.
Maybe your nom de plume could be Ambrosius Biercius.
Also, replace cruelty with “meanness” or “being mean.” I’ve gotten that one way too often by the Americhick.
Second & third base: Instruments of divine pleasure – the right of every human being. Useless on all self-loathing Prizebags. Made into instruments of financial extortion with the help of White Knight fuss & groveling.
The solution is simple. The very instant she acts up, turn around and leave. Or kick her to the curb if she does it in your place. Quit placing value in women before they have proven their value. It’s better to be alone than to put up with this nonsense.
Great list…consider please..
Human Resources: a gaggle of chick overlords waiting to fire any male for trumped up sexual harassment charges. THE reason why working for corporations suck…
Rape – otherwise consensual sexual activity, usually involving beta males, that is later regretted.
Rape Accusation – a way of not having to accept personal responsibility for what was otherwise consensual sexual activity that was later regretted.
Misogynist – a man who merely points out that many societal systems are set up to advantage women and handicap men. These systems are usually established using “anti-discrimination” or “equality” as justification, however, said systems do not produce such results, usually transferring wealth and power from one party to another.
I haven’t even finished this list and I had to post how fucking epic it is…L O L
Another definition for Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. – H.L. Mencken.
phhheeewww I sure am glad I don’t live in ‘murrica
and I sure hope that France doesn’t lean too much towards this in the future :/
the author is an asshole and is making huge generalizations and this is why there’s so many fucking feminists. because of articles like this. man i hate everyone
American women are basically children.
Bit of a paradox here in that you seem to be cross for women being dependent on men, but also saying that a woman having a job is just paper shuffling? Surely these views are mutually exclusive? As to avoid being dependent on a man, a woman must have a job?
Anyone care to explain?
That’s actually pretty damned accurate. HAHAHAHAHA
Priceless. Bookmarked!